All Metaphysics

Are you a fixer? You know the type and if you are one you really get it! You can be minding your own business and doing fine and then you see someone struggling with something that you think you can help with. I’m not talking about picking up a heavy box or anything as simple as that. I would hope we all feel the need to jump in if able bodied enough to help move a box. What I’m talking about however, is the need to help fix BIG stuff!

If you are a fixer you also know how great it feels to be able to help someone “fix” something! Here is the really cool thing I have learned about being a fixer though, it works really good, feels the same great way and lasts a long time if we also “fix” stuff for ourselves! It is as simple as deciding to treat yourself to your remarkable assistance!

It is awesome when we can step up and help out and often even be a savior to someone in need. There is not much else that feels this good and is as rewarding. A lesson learned as a fixer is that sometimes we need to be the fixer for ourselves FIRST! We may have some easy stuff or maybe even some hard stuff to focus on, all that matters is that we focus on them and not ignore it because we are too busy “fixing” everyone else’s issues.

The funny part is this, we really can’t “fix” anyone but we can assist them as THEY fix what it is they want to change. We are all just fine the way we are so when I say “fix” I mean adjust, change, create or disassemble something that is desired or undesired. Think about times you helped someone and how it was easier to see it clearly from an outside perspective on how to “fix” it right up! It’s always easier looking from that perspective than from the inside looking out.

When I was studying under Sunny Massad PhD and learning her system called UnTherapy, I discovered that we all have the ability to help each other as well as the ability to help ourselves. Learning how to ask the right questions and direct the answers in a positive rather than negative way is genius. I want to give you a taste of it today

Think of an issue you want to change in your life right now. Obviously we can’t change other people so focus on a change you want for yourself. Ask yourself what would I have to physically do to make that change and what would I have to emotionally do to make that change. You are not allowed to say anything negative! Here is an example:

“I want to change my morning routine and begin to meditate for 15 minutes before coffee time”. What would I physically have to do to accomplish this? My answer that is positive would be, “I would set up a meditation area and focus on that being my first stop after the bathroom every morning”. A negative response would be something like “I would have to give up coffee right away and not enter my kitchen at all before meditating and possibly miss out on some Facebook scrolling”. You can see how the negative vs positive response vary, one feels like, ok, I can do that! The other response feels like punishment!

Next question is what can I do emotionally to make this change? My positive response would be something like, “I will mentally focus on how good I feel after meditation upon waking up, set my intention on that feeling”. A negative response would be, “I’d have to suffer for an extra 20 minutes without my morning coffee right away and not see what’s going on with Facebook until later in the day.” Obviously the negative response gets us feeling deprived again and the positive response leans into the great feelings we will achieve.

Once you have gotten this far it’s up to you to begin and if you still struggle with it you can go a little deeper. What is stopping you from making this change? What are you losing by making this change? Ahhhh so much info! Lets work on your goals and get you in touch with helping yourself! No better fixing exists than leading by example!