All Metaphysics

As I am staying at my brother’s house helping out, taking care of the kids so he and his wife can have a few days away for their anniversary, I realized how different our households are. We were raised in the same house by the same parents and yet we live such different lives. I have these same revelations when I visit my sister and her husband too. With some similarities but a lot of differences, I used to catch myself either defending why I do life differently or questioning why they do. I notice a lot of things with others in my life too though. The way clothes are folded, where dishes are kept, what kind of things mean a lot to others and would not mean so much to me at all or vice versa.

Why do they believe in a certain religion or why do they not have any spirituality, what jobs are important to them and why they set their alarms for that time. Why do they eat what they eat and what do they read, or why don’t they read, these kinds of questions pop up in my head. Sometimes I ask these questions out loud, and the answers used to make me feel like it’s me that is doing it wrong! Imagine that? The judgement process is not really about if we are “right” but if they are wrong and just haven’t quite figured it out yet….right? Crazy thing is though, we either feel justifiably right or we feel we need to defend our differences, both ways are painful, and we just need to relax.

Pretty funny actually but here is the BEST part about this whole concept, the way I do things is actually and absolutely the right way for ME, if that’s what I want and need in my life! Same goes for you as well. If you keep your silverware in a bundle on one side of a drawer by the stove and I keep mine in a tray in the drawer over by the sink, who is right? Well, it depends on if you’re in your house or mine!

An old standard struggle is the way we all fold or don’t fold fitted sheets. I had an aunt that taught me how to do this the “right” way and I’ve seldom bothered with doing it that way simply out of frustration. So, for the most part, what I’ve been talking about is all superficial isn’t it? Let’s dig deeper then, shall we? Belief systems are a huge thing we all share, and I don’t mean just religion or lack thereof. How about politics, work ethics, self-sacrificing behaviors to name a few. Going deeper than just “if pineapple is supposed to be on pizza”, let’s explore what’s actually “right”.

If you have found your peace and feel great in your decisions, and your choices, then it is absolutely “right” for you. As long as we are not hurting anyone (example: human sacrifice or such). The best and most liberating thought process, however, is when you realize that it doesn’t matter how anyone else does “them” as long as you feel really good doing “you”. If you were raised just like your siblings and still find yourself doing things in your life completely different, that’s actually awesome! Being an individual with independent thought processes make you who you are, and you would do yourself justice to honor that.

Here is where it gets really tricky though. Just because it is “right” for you, is in no way a reason to believe it is “right” for anyone else. It is really hard sometimes to stop ourselves from interfering or advising someone on how they really should do it your way. Trying to change someone’s beliefs is tiresome to say the least and anyone that hasn’t called you looking to change their mind is, for sure, not the person you should try to sway! I like to say that people that ask for advice and then don’t take it are called “ask” holes, the same concept can be laid out for those of us dishing out advice to people that don’t ask for it. It can be really hard because we KNOW we are doing it right so it’s hard to not share that news with everyone, especially with those we see struggling. If we have someone close to us that seems to be struggling in any capacity and we feel like we have an answer or a fix for them, it is almost impossible to stay quiet.

The best thing we can do is to clarify if they want any advice and here is why: people often don’t know how to ask for advice or if they even want any. If we see a struggle going on we can simply ask, “Are you looking for advice or would you just like some comfort?”. If they want advice, always give it with the caveat that this is what works for me, it might or might not work for you and that’s ok. Why is it ok? Because they need to determine what is right for them, just like you did. You are doing it right if its working for you and you are finding joy in your life, and this can look very different for someone else.

To sum it all up and answer the question, yes, you are doing it right….for you! You’ll know you are doing it right for you the very moment you feel no need to sway, explain or direct anyone else to understand you unless they want advice. You just feel at peace in how you are doing your life. When you learn a new way that sounds even better, you won’t be afraid to try that too. Never stop growing and learning and trying, it’s an adventure! I wish I could bring everyone I know on this adventure with me because I KNOW it’s right, hee hee hee! Enjoy it, it goes fast!